Thursday, July 26, 2007

Do’s and Don’ts on a vampire

…kidding! But we are going to Romania, I – the Egyptian Mystery and the Romaniac, and we are going to Transylvania! AND I AM PSYCHED! In March I took Laz to Egypt and now I get to go with her to Romania!

And earlier this week was Laz’s birthday. So HAPPY BIRTHDAY! My dear friend. I have not known you for two years, but you are indeed the catch of the century!

Thursday, July 12, 2007

I used to love you

Here's a list of the people I had huge crushes on when I was a kid. I'm looking for a pattern of some sort.

Zorro, 80's Zorro. From the TV-show. I loved him. Finding out that this actor, Duncan Regehr, is actually Canadian really just spoiled everything. God. Why did they have to get a Canadian actor? Why?!

I don't think I would have loved him as much if I had known. But it doesn't matter that much in this case, because more than I wanted Zorro to be my boyfriend, I wanted to be Zorro.

Peter Pan. Yes, the cartoon. Look at him, he's so mysterious and cute. And you can never ever have Peter Pan. Unless you move to Nevereverland, which of course, you wont.

Bastian from Never Ending Story. OK, so I'm really proud of this one, because this is the only one that's not a cartoon or a buff hairy man. This is a little kid, just like I was.

Uncle Jesse. Yeah. (B)AIDA and I actually have this one in common. Uncle both nice AND cool. He had cool hair and a band, ( Uncle) Jesse and the Rippers.

Did we want him as an uncle or as a boyfriend? It's hard to tell with Uncle Jesse sometimes. So confusing...

Rafael of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I have recently realized that he wasn't just my favorite Turtle, I think I was actually also in love with him. Which is strange, for many different obvious reasons.


Robin Hood. Another cartoon. Another animal. But, he had it all. He was an outlaw. He took from the rich etc. He looks...pretty good, in spite of the short fox-legs. Look how short they are! Wow..I never saw that before. I guess that would have been fine when I was little...but now..gee, I don't know. He must be like a lot shorter than me.

"He was a cop, and good at his job. But then he committed the ultimate sin and testified against other cops - gone bad. Cops who tried to kill him, but got the woman he loved instead. Framed for murder, now he prowls the badlands. An outlaw hunting outlaws, a bounty hunter - a RENEGADE!"

I rest my case. ( Also, I want to say that I do find it a little disturbing that I thought this man was hot when I was 7 or 8).

Now, here are (B)AIDA's crushes:

Wow, next to the Renegade he doesn't seem so hot anymore.. This is Niklas, one of my first true loves. he played the big brother in the TV show made after Astrid Lindgrens book Vi på Saltkråkan.

My second true love was, believe it or not, another Astrid Lindgren character. His name was Lasse and he was as Swedish as they come. A farmer boy, an adventurous spirit.The reason why I was attracted to these ultra-Swedish country boys, I do not know.

Thorne (the second of three Thornes). He was bold and he was beautiful.

OK, so from all this we think that the patterns of attraction here might be that, the Romaniac was looking for adventure ( except in the case of Uncle Jesse, but wait, didn't he ride a motorcycle? Yes, he did, so never mind) and the Egyptian Mystery...wanted to live a quiet boring Swedish life, with a blond tranquil man. Any other interpretations?

Moldy Peaches- I think I'm in Love

Prince- In Love

Ron Davis- It's a Mystery called Love

The B52's - Love Shack

The Slits- Love Und Romance

94 East- Love, Love, Love

Tiny Tim ( with Miss Sue) - True Love

Thursday, July 5, 2007

The badger - friend or foe?

The badger, a peaceful animal, a friend. This was my attitude towards badgers until recently. You see, badgers are monsters. I believe they are born and bread in hell.
I guess it all started with my friend Anna. You see Anna lives in an area full of woods and fields. One night when she is walking home she meets him. The badger. A huge badger. He stands in the middle of the road, on his way crossing it, when he notices her. He then stares into her eyes and runs toward her, with insane speed! Anna naturally starts to run for her life, scared that it might be taken from her. After a while she manages to shake him off, and runs home, screaming. After this near death experience she met the badger again, twice.

This was last year, and I think about it every single time I walk that road. Of course, I didn’t really think I would meet one. Well that’s what I thought..
A couple of weeks ago I, together with Anna and our friend Joel went for a walk with Joels dogs. The dogs walk ahead and disappear behind a turn. And then it all happens so fast. A badger running straight at us with the same insane speed as the first one! I swear I thought my life was going to end that day. At least in Sweden we learn that badgers bite until they hear the sound of your bone cracking. When I ran that day I didn’t only hear our screams echoing over the fields, I heard my bones crack.
“Badgers are fierce animals and will protect themselves and their young at all costs. Badgers are capable of fighting off much larger animals such as wolves, coyotes and bears.” - Wikipedia

And humans!!!! If they can bring down a fucking bear, they can fight off anything, including me. And maybe even a dinosaur.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Do's & Don'ts on a camel

I feel that it is my duty as an Egyptian citizen (yes, I actually have a citizenship and I have an Egyptian id card with pyramids on it!! ) to share the knowledge I’ve got on my many journeys through the cradle of civilization. If you go to Egypt you will for sure think about riding a camel. As a very experienced camel rider I will give you a few tips. I should also tell you that all I’ve learned, I’ve learned the hard way. I have suffered great pain, greater than you could possibly imagine.

The Do's on a camel is pretty easy. Pick a nice camel. They are often pretty grumpy, so check that before boarding. You will know the state of the camel by listening, if the animal is upset, you will know, belive me. When you have found a good camel, make sure you get one of those little boys (there will be a lot of little boys around you) to lead your camel. It will be worth the extra dollar you will have to tip him because he will end up saving your ass if the camel starts to run (more about running camels in the Don’ts). It might feel strange to trust a ten year old boy with your life, but they are not to be underestimated. If I put it this way, they can gallop bareback on a camel, holding no hands.

The key to every successful camel ride is time. Or maybe I should say a short amount of time. So whatever you do, don’t spend more than 90 minutes on a camel, 60 if without a break. And for the love of God, don’t you ever go on a day trip on the back of a camel. If you decide to go on a longer trip anyway, accept the offer to ride horses instead of camels. If you choose to ride camels anyway then listen carefully. The most likely start location for a camel trip is the Great Pyramids of Giza in Cairo. If you go east through the desert I feel very sorry for you. What awaits you after about 20 minutes is an area full of dead horses. Old ones, new ones, smelling and burning. To get through this quick, your guide (who of course will be riding a horse) will make sure all the camels in the caravan starts to run. This alone is very scary because there is no such thing as a small camel. So as you try to hold on to save your life, (which isn’t very easy since you use one hand to cover your nose and trying not to puke from the smell of death) a strange thing will happen. All the camels will start farting. I’m am totally serious. I can’t explain it but I think it has to do with the inhaling of the dead horses. As you can probably guess, camel fart doesn’t smell very nice either. All this and you are galloping, knowing that if you fall, you will fall into an ocean of dead, burning horses.

If you survive this, good for you. After one hour you will start to feel pain. You are of course not galloping all the time, but the movement will cause friction and a rash will soon appear. After another couple of hours you either reach you destination or take a break. By now you are in so much pain you have trouble standing up and walking and sitting down. And then it hits you: you have to go back. You actually have to get on that beast again and go through the same horror again. But the thing is, the way back will be even worse. And you can’t do anything about it, because you are in the middle of the desert.
When it is time to head back don’t switch camels! This might sound as good idea, you get a different saddle, a different width on camel perhaps and so on. But NO! This is the worst thing you can do. STICK TO YOUR CAMEL!

When you finally get back you will have blisters all over your legs and ass. If you had hairy legs it’ll all be gone. If you are a man, you will not be able to have kids.

To give you this information I have indeed endured pain. I therefore salute me and my fellow travelers.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007


The Romaniac and the Egyptian Mystery have joined forces to entertain you with fantastic true stories from their amazing lives.

The Romaniac ( Laz) lives in seclusion on top of a large mountain, so large in fact that hot air balloons sometimes almost collide with the balcony of her apartment. She enjoys gardening and TV, and the occasional glass of tsuika. Every now and then she climbs down from her fortress of solitude and mingles with the masses. Sometimes when walking, she falls down, for no apparent reason. Very much like a toddler, learning to walk. This is somewhat disturbing.

The Egyptian Mystery ((B)AIDA) on the other hand has no home, as far as you're concerned. For she is indeed a mystery. There will be no information of her whereabouts whatsoever. We can tell you one thing though, she is Egyptian. And a true enigma. No one has ever seen her. Except for the one time she came out from the shadows and ate a giant cinnamon roll together with the Romaniac. A beautiful friendship was formed.

Enigma - Return to Innocence